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[04 Jan 2010|08:16pm] |
I have been blessed.
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| (o1.) Like Johnny&June. |
[04 Jan 2010|07:31pm] |
When you're a little girl, you see the big picture. But when you're little, you leave out all the bad parts of your big picture. Because the fact is, there aren't any in that bright little imagination. Nothing more than maybe whether or not you'll be able to decide on a yellow lab or a golden retriever. Heart break, divorce, and all the bumps in between were never a thought. You just didn't understand those things and never let them taint your bright future. Your knight in shining armor. The one who brings you roses everyday. The one you bake pies for. You'll love each other, just the way Momma and Poppa do. It's simple really. You have it all figured out. I can't quite remember when it changed and when I realized that life wasn't like that. But let me tell you, fairytales are real. They just come with all the bumps and scary parts. But they exist.
In my search for ever lasting love, I made a lot of fast decisions. Stardom was surrounding me and I wanted someone to share it with. I've always been that way. I had this day dream of being successful, with my wonderful husband by my side. But you can't walk around with stars in your eyes forever. Eventually the blinders come off and you are standing there wondering what went wrong. Just how did you find yourself in the middle, surrounded by divorce papers. It sure wasn't my little girl dream. I let myself down, I let him down, and most of all, I felt like I let my parents down. But I pushed on. Desperate to regain my pride, my dignity, and recapture a little bit of my fairytale dream. So, maybe the stars don't always leave my eyes for good. You can't help the way you are, though. And I've always dreamed big and searched high and low for what I want. And then one day, summer of 96, what I wanted came blazing into my life. I knew right away, that he was the one. I was already mixed up with someone else, two years after my divorce. He was recently single. So I took a chance on my instincts. I broke off my engagement and let myself fall head over heels for a cowboy. The one who practically sang himself into my heart. A whirlwind romance turned into my forever. I can't imagine waking up next to anyone else. He will always be my one true love. We knew it too. Right from the beginning! You don't have to believe in love at first sight, and trust me, neither of us were much to look at back in the day. But I was crazy about him. We got engaged and married the same year we met. No regrets. I told him, this was it for me. I couldn't take anymore heartache or divorce. We vowed forever to each other and fourteen years later, that vow remains close to my heart. He's the love of my life, my Johnny.
Fairytales are whimsical, magical, and they shut out the darkness you have to endure. One fell asleep until her true loves first kiss. Another, left her glass slipper behind, never knowing her prince would come looking. The thing is, they all have one thing in common 'happily ever after'. My fairytale consisted of a lot of bumps, a divorce, and complicated relationships. There were no pumpkin carriages, or magic carpet rides. But it's been a hell of a ride. The best ride of my life. And I wouldn't trade my fairytale or happy ending for anything in the world. They do exist. But they aren't as clean cut as we'd like them to be. But you should never give up trying or fighting for what you want. Because when it's right, you'll know it. And I love my husband just as much as I did the first time I laid eyes on him.
"I wanna love like Johnny & June, rings of fire burning with you. I wanna walk the line, walk the line, till the end of time. I wanna love, love ya that much, cash it all in and give it all up. And when you're gone, I wanna go too. Like Johnny & June."
Love,
Faith
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